I’m sure you all know what duty that is. Yep, that’s right, jury duty. Even moms of small children get called for jury duty. They are even forced to serve! I am on the grand jury and have thus far refrained from writing about my experience for fear that I might speak out of turn or get in trouble. But alas, I cannot hold back any longer. The entertainment factor is too high. At one point, I put my head on the table and laughed until I cried.

Let me start by saying, there will be no identifying details in these criminal stories. It’s just that…some people are so stupid! Let’s get started.

Case #1-16

I don’t know how many of these I’ve actually heard, but there have been several. A suspect goes to a rental car agency to rent a car. Upon realizing he or she would need identification and credit card, he or she shrugs and says, “What the hay?”* and hands over his or her actual ID and credit card. The suspect then proceeds to steal the rental car! They just don’t return it. I mean, what the what? Why are people this dumb?

*I’m guessing.

Case #17

A suspect robs several houses and realizes over the course of the spree that he or she has lost their wallet. He or she then goes back to the houses they’d robbed and told the residents that they’d lost their wallet, hands the resident a business card and asks them to call him or her if they find it. OK, now that’s just ridiculous.

Case #18

Thinking, “Hey, I have a great idea!” a suspect rents a storage unit. It’s a pretty secure storage facility with cameras galore and a code needed to enter the business. The suspect then waits until they are under the cover of darkness, stealthily enters their personal code into the storage facility and proceeds to break into multiple units and steal several items which are then pawned. The suspect uses his or her own ID to pawn the items. As many an officer will say, “I can’t make this stuff up.”

Case #19

A suspect is driving under the influence and wrecks his car. He flees the scene and happens upon a police officer, who he then asks for money for a cab.

Case #20

An unsuspecting man hoping to enjoy a nice meal at Popeye’s leaves his debit card on the counter near the register by mistake. The man behind him picks it up and proceeds to pay for his lunch using the purloined debit card. Employees of the store then hear the suspect say, “It worked! I’m going shopping!” and then proceeding to sit in the restaurant to enjoy his meal.

Case #21

A man wearing a red shirt and blue jacket walks into a pawn shop and asks to see a $3000 necklace. Policy states that the man hand over his ID in order to view the necklace, which he does. Then he flees. With the necklace. And the pawn shop owner is left standing with his actual ID. The owner also notices that the man’s ID was made that day and in the photo, he was wearing a red shirt and blue jacket. It wasn’t hard for them to find him after that.

So there you have it. A glimpse into the day of a grand jury member. Only picture hearing about 200-500 cases, most of which are simply possession or possession of a fire arm by a felon, or, you know, murder. No, seriously.