Dear Husband,
It’s 6:25 p.m. and I’ve been counting down the minutes until you arrive home since about 3:45 p.m. when our four-year-old decided he wasn’t going to nap. You see, I need that nap time to recharge and I’m not getting it anymore. Thing 2 and Thing 3 still nap, but Thing 1 and his entire personality is right there with me all. day. long. He is exhausting.
I am not blind. I can see that the house is a mess and dinner is best described as edible. The baby hardly ever wears clothes because he pukes on everything the instant I put it on him. The two-year-old peed on the kitchen floor today. Again. He’s three now. He doesn’t do it so much anymore.
You see, it may seem like I don’t do anything. But the simple act of keeping everyone alive, fed and on time for their various activities fills my day. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday Thing 1 has preschool. On Tuesday and Thursday Thing 2 has preschool and on Wednesday we all go to Bible Study Fellowship. On Friday we visit Grandma and Grandpa. We have soccer on Saturdays and church on Sundays. Trying to fit all of their activities, plus grocery shopping, meals, naps, playtime, etc. doesn’t leave a lot of time for laundry and cleaning.
Our children are like goats. They graze all day long. I feel like I am forever finding someone something to eat. Thing 1 rarely eats anything on first offering. Thing 2 will chug any liquid all day long which is most unhelpful for potty training. It is a never-ending fracas between what they are allowed to have versus what they want. Sometimes I do let them have a cookie for breakfast, mostly because they caught me sneaking a cookie to break my fast before the baby wakes up.
Finding a meal to cook that everyone likes is an impossible task. Not for you, you’re easy. But I swear, something I made last week and was devoured could be presented this week to gags and declarations of, “That looks yuck!” The only truly safe meal is spaghetti and, let’s face it, as delicious as it is, you can’t eat it more than once or twice a week. It can be so frustrating.
Aside from doing the mom thing and the chauffeur thing and the cook thing, I try to earn some money for our family. In my spare time (spare time?) I write and am fortunate enough to get paid for it. I also pet sit for people who go on vacation. I enjoy those things, but they are useful too. Pet sitting paid for Thing 1 and Thing 2’s preschool this year. Perhaps one day, we’ll even be able to save some money.
I am exhausted. Maybe it’s because I don’t get enough vitamin B12. I should eat some more leafy greens. Or maybe it’s just because this stage of life is exhausting. I don’t know. All I know is that I need a nap.
Sometimes we argue. I overlook a lot of little things now that I wouldn’t have earlier in our marriage. It’s easier for keeping the peace. I know you overlook a lot of things as well. Nearly seven years of marriage has taught us that. We have different parenting styles. I know you think I’m too light on them and sometimes I think you’re too hard. But together, hopefully, we can raise good, strong boys.
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You do a lot to help me; I see it and appreciate it. You’re a good dad and a good husband.
With all that you do for our family, I’m sure you’re thinking, what can she ask for? What could she possibly want? What I ask of you is understanding. I need you to recognize that this whole parenting thing is hard. We’re both relative newbies and the four and under stage is rough! I know that all of the other stages will have their challenges, but we’ll get to those in time.
Being a stay-at-home (or work-at-home) mom has a lot of challenges I didn’t foresee. The biggest one is that no matter how much you get done in one day, it all has to be done again tomorrow. The kids need fed, the baby needs his bottle, they need diaper changes, clean clothes, etc. The kitchen was clean this morning, but we have to eat so the dishes are once again unwashed and in the sink. Being a SAHM means you never truly get to check off your to-do list because you’ll have it to do again the next day, and the next. It can feel a little like being trapped.
Maybe we should be nudist minimalists who homestead.
I want you to understand that, even though there are things to get done, it’s ok to relax in the evening. As long as we don’t run out of clean clothes, the laundry can wait a bit. If we’re eating three square meals a day, grocery shopping can wait too. We don’t live in filth. We live in clutter. Clutter is the bane of our existence but I believe it’s this stage of our life. The boys don’t do an awesome job of picking up their toys and that free-loading baby doesn’t do anything. I mean, he’s cute and all but that’s where his contribution to our household ends.
You can help me by doing exactly what you already do. Just understand that I’m doing (almost) everything I can. I mean, who doesn’t love a Netflix binge in the evenings when the kids are in bed and we don’t have to watch Paw Patrol anymore?
