I’ve never been the staunchest feminist, but I admire some of those who are. I hated it when a coworker said to me once upon a time that this was “a good job for a woman.” It was a woman who said it to me, but nevertheless, it ruffled my feathers.
When my son told me I had to like a certain character on Paw Patrol because she’s a girl, I don’t think he was being sexist. I think he was learning what girls and boys are and how they are different and similar. He’s only four.
It did spark an interesting conversation at Sunday dinner between myself, my husband, three brothers-in-law and a nephew. My mother-in-law was there too, but strong as she is, she’s no match for the combined opinions of her sons and son-in-law. I’m sure I don’t need to point out that we were outmatched.
I’ll give you the bare bones of the conversation, as much as I can.
My assertion: If you say to a boy, you must love sports because you’re a boy, that’s sexist.
General perspective of gathered male table members: That statement is going off a stereotypical norm, and is not sexist. It can’t be sexist unless you say something with a more negative or discriminatory connotation. If you say, you can’t be a dancer because you’re a boy, that’s sexist.
I agree with the last statement. The definition of sexism is prejudice, stereotype or discrimination based on sex. The definition also says, “typically against women,” but my point is that it’s not always against women. I guess by saying typically they aren’t saying always, but I digress. Saying you must love sports because you are a boy is a stereotype based on the fact that he is male, therefor it’s sexist.
The Patriarchy Hurts Everyone
My friend, Shannon, at We’ll Eat You Up We Love You So, said this, “Even if it’s the group in power, reinforcing those boundaries and structures of what it means to be male, hurt the people who don’t meet them.” If one of my sons wanted to dance, I can imagine how much teasing he would get in our family alone, where boys do boy things and girls can do boy things if they are good at it but they should probably stick to girl things.
Sexism ultimately hurts everyone. One person’s definition of normal is not another person’s. If a girl wants to play hockey or a boy wants to dance it doesn’t change the fact that they are still a boy or still a girl. Dancing boys are not automatically disposed to like other boys. Some might. Some will like girls. Athletic girls are not automatically lesbians. Some are. Some aren’t.
A friend of mine has a two-year-old son in daycare. They have a dress-up box and he found a black sparkly dress that he loves. She’s come to pick him up several times recently and he’s been wearing the dress. Now, I get, as does she, that wearing the dress won’t make him a future transvestite, but she doesn’t really care for it and neither does her fiancé.
A lot of people share this feeling. It’s not exactly a bad thing, but I think it puts more emphasis on the “transgression” of him wearing a dress and it might be something he internalizes for later. It’s likely simply a boy wanting to wear something he finds cool. It’s sparkly, I get it!
Conclusion:
I’m right.
I wrote this mostly because I felt I was correct and wanted to explore the topic a little. Andplusalso, none of my male family members are here to argue with me! If you have any thoughts on this issue, I welcome them in the comments!
